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| May 2011: Get well card from URS Colleagues after Jean's tumor resection |
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| Card Page 2 |
Jean had 10 visits at
the hospice between Wednesday Jan 6 and Sunday Jan 2 that would not have
happened were it not for colleagues from the engineering consulting world. In
pre-tumor days, this world sometimes felt like a hindrance, distracting her
from gardening projects, and finishing her novel. On weekends and evening she called this realm
"work work," as in "After I work on the design for the berm in
the front yard, I need to do a few hours of work work, that report is due
Monday." She called it something
different when she was working twelve-hour days at a client site, and personal
life mean brief phone calls, squeezed between meals, working, and sleep. But the truth is, even on those demanding
occasions, "work work" had its redeeming features.
One of last week's visitors described it this way. This person worked with Jean at Dames & Moore in the '90s, before it was acquired by URS. She remembers crazy hours, impossible deadlines, insatiably demanding managers -- and the interesting people she met through work, who remain her friends to this day. Now she is a full-time telecommuter for an engineering firm whose corporate style puts a premium on gracious politeness. One cannot fault that, but after several years on the job, she feels she has not made a single friend. Did adversity bonding provide the ingredient she's missing now?
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| Card page 3 |
The card reproduced
above certainly shows that her URS colleagues knew how to rally around her in a
time crisis. When it came to our house,
when Jean was recovering from the April 2011 brain surgery, we agreed it was
the greatest card ever. The gang is all there, being sensitive, being witty.
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| Card page 4 |
And it must be said, her
work friends are not the only reason Jean found her work there satisfying. URS works on large, visible engineering
projects, like changes to airports and bridges, and the documents Jean edits
are critical to describing these projects to technical and lay audiences. Renowned for being able to zero in on the
sole typo in a crowded page, able to read the 20th iteration of a technical
document with the same fresh attention she bestowed on the first, Jean earned a
niche of respect and accommodation in the corporate work place. At the center of the process that creates the
documents that guide the projects that shape the Bay Area, said niche is a
better perch than many for looking out on the bustling world.
And now without further
ado, here's a list are the "work work" ten, with some brief notes
about the visit and the visitors. It
should go without saying that Jean had other visitors too, and focusing on her
colleagues is not intended as a slight to their friendship.
Wednesday Jan 16
Pam Cory
Back in the Dames &
Moore days, Jean hired Pam for the editing team. Pam works at URS now, and over the years the two
have become good friends. Note her immortal words on page 4 of the card:
There once was a lass from Ann Arbor,
who moved very close to a harbor.
She loved to grow roses
She loved to grow roses
that stabbed at her toeses,
but that couldn't dampen her ardor!
Wednesday Jan 16
Jil Finnegan
Jil is a project manager
at URS. She and Jean became closer in
2011, when they ran into each other at the UCSF infusion center, where Jean was
going for treatment. In the summer of
2012, Jil started organizing family and friends to give us a helping hand,
using the "Take them a Meal" web site for scheduling. She brought over several tasty meals herself,
which I can assure you were well appreciated.
Thursday Jan 17
Ian Austin and Ken
Ian and Ken have both
visited Jean at the hospice before. Ian
saw her on January 10, when she wasn't talking or opening her eyes, and Ken saw
her before Christmas, during the time when we went together twice to the corner
teahouse. This visit was somewhere in
between. Jean kept her eyes open, but
talked sparingly, in a quiet whisper. A
message therapist named Kim was there too, and while Ian held Jean's hand, Kim
massaged her other hand and feet. There
was a quiet, gentle, meditative mood in the room that actually felt rather
pleasant.
Friday Jan 18
Maria Barzowloski, Susie Dranit, Demetrious (Deme) Kousoftas
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| Left to right: Maria, Deme, Jean, Matt, & Susie |
Maria and Susie remember
Jean fondly from when they all worked together at Dames & Moore. Just looking at Susie's face when she visits
tells you special Jean is to her. The
souvenirs and decorations crammed into Jean's room at the hospice impressed
Maria, who contrasted the hospice ambiance with that of another medical
facility, where she visits a neighbor. That person is a widow, socially isolated
by language barriers, and moved to a different room every day. Each time she visits, Maria gets the same
cold, institution feel. Of course nobody
dreams of a stay in a hospice, but if you need one, Jean's situation has some
definite plusses.
Deme worked with Jean at
Dames and Moore too, then at URS, then at his own geotechnical consulting
firm. He praised Jean for the way she
always provided him the edits for his reports in exactly the format he found
easiest to use. Those who worked on
complicated engineering projects know this is high praise indeed. When he was left he said "I love you
Jean," and she responded with "I love you," in one of her
strongest whispers of the week.
For what it's worth, a
couple of sidelights on Deme's visit. He
struck up a conversation with a hospice volunteer named Erbu, who it turns out
was born in Turkey. Deme told her he was
born in Cyprus, on the Greek side of that painful divide, and they had a brief
conversation that ended in a hug. I couldn't make out exactly what was being
said, but the big meaning was clear -- as Frost put it, "something there
is that doesn't like a wall." And
finally, a media note. A geotechnical
engineer is actually a lead character in a recent feature film, Another Year
directed by Mike Leigh. A good movie, if
a very somber one. (FYI, Mike Leigh has
a special place in our marital pantheon for the way his ensemble-acting movies
find the beauty in the ordinary, in everyday people).
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| Jean waving good-bye to Maria, Deme, and Susie |
Friday, Jan 18
Catherine Gasparini
Catherine brought a
lovely bouquet of pale orange roses, and a selection of English translations of
Russian poetry (Jean was a Russian Language/Literature major at the University
of Michigan). We read the poems out
loud, and this one by Vladimir Vysotsky was the clear fave. Per Catherine, the 2nd version of the friend
is how she sees one of Jean's key caregivers, and that person is indeed trying
hard, and ardently wants Catherine to be right.
A Song about a Friend
by Vladimir Vysotsky
If your friend just became a man
not a friend not a foe -- just so.
If you really can't tell from the start
if he's strong his heart --
to the peaks take this man -- don't fret!
Do not leave him alone, on his own,
let him share the same view with you --
then you'll know if he's true.
If the guy on the peak got weak,
if he lost all his care -- got scared,
took a step on the frost, got lost,
tripped and screamed in exhaust -
then the one we held close is false.
Do not bother to yell, expel --
we can't take such abroad, and in short
we don't sing of his sort.
If the guy didn't whine or pine,
he was dull and upset, but went.
When you slipped from the cliff,
he heaved, holding you in his grip;
if he walked right along, seemed strong,
on the top stood where he belonged --
then whenever the chances are slim
you can count on him
Saturday Jan 19
Tara McCulloch
Tara met Jean through
her husband Derek McCulloch, now the editing/word processing manager at Jean's
San Francisco URS office. Tara has
become a close friend, visiting Jean weekly since last summer.
Sunday Jan 20
Judy Gamble
We were introduced to
Judy through Jean's Jill Irwin, like Jean a URS editor. Judy is Jill's
sister-in-law, and had a good experience with the Zen hospice when she visited
family there. Judy graciously
volunteered to spend time with Jean on Friday and Sunday mornings, and this was
the first visit. Judy read Jean from a
book of Kay Ryan poetry, and both ladies said that things went well.
Addendum: The
redoubtable Denise Heick, veteran
project manager at URS, visited Jean at the hospice on Thursday, Jan 24. On learning of Deme’s praise for the way Jean
formatted his edits, Denise commented that Jean was the only person she know
who could fully meet Deme’s exacting standards.
And Jean also met Denise’s standards, also known for their rigor. Per Denise, Jean would often know how to fix
a document without requiring any explanation from her, and would at times even
tell her what needed to be done.
